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Thursday, June 19, 2014

Oh How He Loves

I'm laying in bed (Let me clarify because 'bed' is a pretty loose term for where I'm actually laying.  It's actually a comforter that's on the floor of a mostly empty bedroom, with a few pillows near the wall in the spot where a headboard would go if we had one.  So yeah, I'm laying on the floor.) with Miles tuckered out next to me, and a crying Jasper in his pack & play on the other side of me.  It's bedtime, and I was singing to the boys as they fell asleep, when Jas started to push away from me and fuss a bit.  He does this because I am trying to make it a point to let him fall asleep in his bed, rather than in mine (or my set of comforters on the floor, for that matter), or even in my arms.  He's doing really well actually.  He's already stopped crying, and he is quietly playing as I'm typing this, but it dawned on me that God loves me the same way.

I have rested really well in my heavenly Dada's arms many times, but I fuss and cry when He expects me to rest on my own, in my own bed.  He is a good Father and wants me to know that the place in my life that He has put me is a good place, and that it serves a purpose for me, much like Jas' crib does for him.  It keeps him safely in our room, away from any hazards, and there is soft bedding that he can lay down and sleep on, if he so chooses.  However, sometimes, his choice is to stand up at the edge of the crib, crying out to me, as loudly and sadly as he can, as if I have left him forever to suffer in a tired state of unrest.  But I know better.  I'm his momma.

"If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him! "(Matthew 7:11 ESV)

God knows me.  And thanks to Jesus, He has adopted me as His daughter and sometimes, he says, "Marilyn, it's time for you to be in here," but I protest the entire way, and then ignore all of the things he has provided within that space, the blessings.  I stand at the edge of the boundary, questioning God's goodness,wondering if He has left me here alone forever.  But He wants me to rest in Him.  He wants me to see His faithfulness.  He is showing me that He has equipped me to handle everything in Christ.  Whatever it is that is causing me to doubt God's goodness or faithfulness is exactly what He wants me to learn from.

The great thing about how this analogy breaks down is that God will let me rest in His arms every moment of every day if I run to Him.  And that's healthy.  I don't wear Him out, or keep Him from sleeping at night.  Oh, and also He gave us a bed today.  We're picking it up Saturday.

I love how well He loves me.

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